Pride and Prejudice and Backfire

My son has accomplished much in his almost-seven months of life and I keep catching myself telling him that I’m “proud of him”. This has led me to dissect the term perhaps more than is necessary. Is it simply a common term used to express one’s pleasure at seeing another succeed? I see that the word “proud” is almost always used negatively in every other scenario, and this got me thinking about the root of the term. When we tell someone we are proud of them or say we are proud of or take pride in something we have done, we are saying the thing pleases us, that we claim it as our own, we stand by it. Upon some consideration, I find that these descriptions also apply to the bad kind of pride. When we are “proud” it means we say the things we are/do/say/think/, are the right things. We claim those things as good. We stand by them.

There are times when this confidence in our doings can be a good thing, because we know we are correct and we will not break from the truth. The problem presents because people are not perfect. We can, do, and WILL make mistakes. Even the most intimidatingly competent among us fail every day at something. Most of the time, others can see it before we notice they can see it. Or, we’re terrified that they will find out somehow. So we hide, and pretend, and stiffen our resolve to prove that we are not wrong or could not be wrong, even if we might be, and even if we are.

Probably the worst thing I have ever done in my relationship with my husband was recognize during an argument that I was wrong, and still not give up. Even if I had to bring up something that he did wrong, I was not going to end the conversation there. Then I realized that relationships with people like that don’t last very long and that it was a really terrible way to treat someone whom I said I loved. But it was still so freaking hard, and still is sometimes, to say, “okay, fair enough, you’re right”.

The Bible talks a lot about pride. Proverbs especially has some good things to say about it. A particularly interesting one is Proverbs 29:23 which reads, “One's pride will bring him low, but he who is lowly in spirit will obtain honor.” I find this interesting when I look at the primary motivation for the bad kind of pride. It’s usually some kind of fear of disrespect or dishonor.

A parent may resist telling their child that they made a mistake because it may lead their child to think less of them as an authority figure. A boss at a company may stick by a decision they have made because it may look weak to the employees if he admits he was wrong. A politician would rather spin a web of lies to avoid coming out with to the public about his affair and appear dishonorable. Neither party of the arguing couple wants to say “okay, I’m wrong” even if the probably both are because it will make them less credible in future arguments. People are terrified of looking bad.

However, the kid will eventually learn that the parent isn’t infallible and think of them as arrogant for not recognizing it. The employees are probably talking about the boss behind his back for being so blind to his mistake. The politician is doomed to become another viral meme on Facebook. And the couple will continue fighting the same fight for hours, possibly years, and be supremely miserable, forgetting what good they ever once saw in the other.

Yet, as a culture, it is the norm to never say “I’m wrong and I’m sorry” unless you want to look weak. It is a much harder thing for most people to say those words than it is to face sometimes literal ruin because they just don’t want to. One of the greatest lies that Satan can tell us, and he’s good at it, is that admitting defeat will somehow make things worse. It won’t. If you made a mistake, things are already bad. End it there. Don’t keep digging because you will not find anything good.

There a lot of great things that the Bible has to say about pride (google it if you’d like) but I like Proverbs 29:23 because it promises honor with humility. Specifically, with being “lowly in spirit”. Lowly is such a scary word to people, and probably was when Proverbs was written. It speaks of fragility and vulnerability, of being low compared to something high. But honor, the result, is strong, esteemed, looked up to.

Imagine the kid who can say that they learned from their parents how to admit, without fear, that they messed up. Imagine the governor who comes out and says “I’m sorry” before the truth has a chance to bleed its way to the public via tabloids and twitter. We may fear dishonor, but that is all pride creates for us, and we’re wrong if we think we’re that good at hiding stuff.  

In a Christian community, there is no room for pride in anything but Christ because he is the only thing infallible. If we screw up or learn we’re wrong but don’t do anything to admit it or change, we’re an example, which is why we get laughed at in the media and on TV. I think even the Westborow Baptist people would be met with some form of mercy if they just stand up and say “Wow, we have it wrong. Sorry, folks”. But that’s just the other side of it too; we also have to be willing to give mercy. If our pride in wanting to be superior leads us to grind someone’s mistake in their face, be it confessed or not, we’re not imitators of God anymore than they are. Jesus said that the merciful will be shown mercy and the meek will inherit the earth. I like that outcome a lot better than the alternative, no matter how much it may hurt to pry the words “I’m sorry” out of my mouth.

The things I want to stand by are the Bible, God’s promises, my son’s awesomeness, and the fact that I could be wrong about pretty much anything else.