Confronting Tragedy

Tragedy is a hard subject for the Christian to tackle. The “problem of evil” is a real problem and one we would all rather ignore, until we can’t anymore. Whether it happens to you, a friend, someone famous you only hear about, or a stranger calls you out on it because you have a fish on your car, someday you will have to wonder what God is doing and why. Typical Christianese won’t settle this one. I don’t claim to be able to settle this one, but what I am looking for is a universal applicable hope that can maybe change something.

What you won't hear in most church services, is that Paul himself said that he wanted to die so he could be with Christ rather than wait it out here. He stayed for the sake of those he knew he was meant to lead (Philippians 1: 22-24). I don't know for sure if it was the trials of Paul's ministry and relentless persecution, shipwrecks, and floggings that made him desire escape, or if it was a love for God and understanding of what was waiting for him that made him impatient to get there. Either way, I know even Paul looked at his life at some point and thought, “This sucks and I’d rather not do it any more,” (or something like that). Tragedy is an all-inclusive fact of life. Some Christians would prefer to sweep it under the rug and ignore it entirely because there is no “good” answer for it. I want to understand how God works and why tragedy exists, but the truth is, I’m too small for that, like I’m too small for a lot of things.

I don't want to get into a predestination debate about how God can let any tragedy happen if that tragedy is not his plan, but I can try to explain why bad stuff happens the way I understand it best. It's no surprise that God allows tragedy. Some people say he causes it. I see it the way a professor of mine once explained it, saying we are in such a fallen world filled with disease and depravity and pain, God doesn't cause things to go wrong, he sometimes lifts his hand of restraint that would have otherwise made things go right. Left on our own, we can only suffer by our actions, the actions of others, or by our imperfect universe. Sometimes God stops it, sometimes he doesn’t. The choice is up to him and somehow it all works for the better. I can’t explain that last part well. I can’t tell the grieving mom why her baby died. I can’t tell Paul why he was shipwrecked and flogged. I sometimes get tired of just telling myself to “trust God”, but that’s the only answer, even if it’s not a “good” one. Even if it’s made some people hate God because they don’t think he’s worthy of trust. Somehow, he is. Somehow, this will all work out. Somehow, even the largest quantity of pain will be erased. Nobody wants to hear that we were not designed to understand but to trust, but that’s the truth.

Learning of Robin Williams’ suicide, made me remember a day not five years ago when I laid in bed counting the methods and trying to choose the right one. I just wanted it to be easy and simple. I closed my eyes and imagined my breath going out and not coming back in. I imagined a sweet oblivion coming over me and the torrents in my mind slowing down to smooth seas. Even though God was a distant and disappointing former friend at the time, I think part of me could still hear his gentle voice telling me that I wasn't done, to wait for change. Because every time I wanted it to be over, something was urging me to just wait a little longer. Change is the only certainty and, though some find that disheartening, I find it is the greatest source of hope, that change comes, and every broken sick and vile situation can be redeemed. Change came for me in forms I didn’t think were possible five years ago, so I’m glad I’m around to see them. I’m sad that Robin Williams felt he couldn’t wait for change. I’m sad that so many people now have to contend with the tragedy of his death and maybe they think they can’t wait either. Even death, though it is something that won’t change for a while, it still will change, and that’s what we need to cling to.

So if it all can be redeemed? Why is it so often seemingly not? Why doesn't God fix things before they get completely screwed up? Why does death exist at all? Why didn’t he stop the fall or undo it or start over? I can only say what I have said before, I don’t know, but I trust him and he's bigger than I am and I can't see the whole picture. I don't know why he lifted his restraint when a beloved actor father and husband decided to take his life this week. I don't know why your tragedy happened to you, or what made his still small voice whisper to some part of me that day to wait. I don’t know what made me listen. I do not try to dismiss or belittle pain by saying, “It will be gone eventually, don’t worry about it”. I have had a taste of the torment possible on this earth and I know how crippling just a taste can be.

However, I still trust that all pain, no matter how terrible, will be insignificant and unimportant when we reach eternity. I believe that, by and by, we will meet on a beautiful shore. Sometimes that’s all we have to cling to. EVENTUALLY, this will be over. That should NOT be a reason we end life to get there. It is a promise we can carry with us to help us tackle the otherwise impossible. The promise of eternal peace is what should encourage the Christian who suffers to go on suffering knowing it will all disappear in time, and that it isn’t for nothing.

One of my favorite movies as a kid, and one that happens to star Robin Williams is Jumanji. So, you’ve started the game, and now you have to finish it, not matter what comes out. But, there is a promise. If you finish the game, it will all go away. And even if you didn’t know it going in, things will turn out better than they would have been before. Maybe it’s a cheesy metaphor, but a fitting one, I think. There were a lot of things in that movie that needed to happen in order for Allan to get the girl, Judy and Peter to not lose their parents in Canada, for Mr. Perish to stop being a jerk, and for that one guy to not lose his job at the shoe factory, but none of that would have gone right if they had given up playing or never started to begin with.

I know that the waiting is hard. and again, I don’t mean to belittle that with cheesy movie metaphor. But I also know every broken depraved and sick part of our lives can be turned around if we let God be the one we trudge hobble and crawl behind until we can walk again.

Hope is a very fragile yet very precious and necessary resource. Once lost, it is not easily regained. It needs to be fought for, even if it can only be as small as choosing to trust that all tragedy serves some purpose in overall eventual redemption, and that also eventually, it will be over. Even if we're too in-the-middle to see how.