Bitter Pill

When I was a kid, I thought suffering was terribly romantic. One may be able to blame Mr. Disney considering that all of the characters that seemed worth looking up to were orphaned and abused and without a heap of misery from which to be rescued, you had no story. It was the damsel in distress that you rooted for so who wouldn't want distress?

As I got older, and experienced real problems, I didn't need to sit and hope my life would someday become interesting. I had problems which were evident and inescapable, and I can't say that part of me from my childhood wasn't somewhat satisfied. Being broken meant I mattered. Suffering gave me something interesting to talk about. Dealing with my problems seemed really hard and I figured that as soon as I wasn't the depressed messed up kid anymore, I wouldn't be me. Besides, who would want to save me if I wasn't distressed? Who would care? And so I stayed miserable. For a very very long time.

There is a phenomenon I have heard of occurring in people with entirely real illnesses or injuries who have a hard time getting better, primarily because they don't really want to for whatever reason. We look at these people as attention seekers or lazy or selfish. Don't they think about what they are doing to their families? Why are they wasting so much of their lives? There's a treatment. Take it. Get better.

Similarly, and I think much more commonly, our identities can become wrapped up in things like the pain we're in, the injustice we experience, the unpleasant possibilities we face, and the anger, bitterness, worry, and fear that accompany them. And at times, we just aren't sure who we would be without our afflictions. Or, sometimes it seems easier to just let a problem lie even if there is a solution. Even if that solution is found in the one we claim and declare to the world to be our savior, our hope, and our peace.

You may be thinking, not me! But have you ever chosen bitterness over forgiveness? Fear and worry over peace? Grief in place of healing? The murky and miserable present over the hope of the future? Have you ever let Satan trick you into digging a little hole of self pity anger or despair while ignoring the hand God is give you to pull yourself out? I have! I have frequently. I have only over the last several years come to recognize the ways I have been basking in infirmity and the time I wasted doing so.

Even culturally, I feel like there is almost some sort of cool unspoken status symbol in suffering. Even in our churches, people feel like if they don't have a good enough prayer request, nobody will care about them. Bleck!! All this kind of attitude is accomplishing is handing Satan the rope to lead us around with. And it sucks. It sucks for us, and it sucks for anyone who looks at the one who calls themselves "Christian" while walking day after day under a rain-cloud.

Now, I think as people we are entitled to having a reaction to our circumstances and, while my life has in no way been free of hardship, I certainly haven't had to go through the worst of possibilities and can only speak from my own perspective. I believe taking time to grieve is important to healing. Sometimes life does just suck. Jesus said there will be trouble, and there is no denying that. It's real and it's not fun. But he has also overcome the world. He has overcome the injustice. He makes love, joy, peace, patients, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self control possible in a very very broken world. I am not a fan of the belief that all Christians should be walking around perky all the time, that's just gross and unrealistic. But having peace is different than having a smile on your face. It's never moving beyond grief or fear, or always returning to suffering like a box of Oreos that you really just need to close and put away that robs us of the better things God intends for us. Sometimes this is a long process, I understand. But even in process, I think it's important to be aware of the bait Satan could inevitably dangle. I don't mean to add to anyone's burden, only to share what I wish I had known before.

Maybe you're not like me, maybe you never have chosen to let a wound fester. Maybe you haven't taken Satan's bait and you live free in the truth of God Almighty! But then, maybe you know somebody who is bound up in a lie of satisfying destruction. Maybe you have a close friend, a brother or sister in Christ, and you have watched them wear their misery and woes like a banner, and have been too afraid to let them know what it's doing to them.

I haven't personally confronted anyone in this situation, but I'll admit there have been times I probably should have. In fact, I can think of some people right now and I physically cringe at the idea of trying to tactfully bring up a topic like this. I have, however, personally experienced the discomfort of having to climb out of the aforementioned hole. It's not fun. It takes swallowing an uncomfortably large gulp of pride. It sometimes take a very painful process of dealing with the issue rather than basking in it. It's a large cost up front, but you save a lot more in the long run. You save relationships. You save time. You save a huge chunk of your life that God intended to be for something amazing. And that's what we should want for ourselves and for our loved ones.

A while ago, I wrote on pride, and how it can backfire on us. I think the same principal applies here. Whatever we may hope to gain by holding onto our dis-eases, can't compare to the rewards of giving them up.

There are people I'm hurt by. Things that make me angry. Concerning circumstances. Scars I'm tempted to re-open. But God is my Rock. He's my Strong Tower and my Fortress. He is strong when I am weak. He is the source of all wisdom and peace beyond understanding. And he's teaching me to turn to him and let him be my strength to forgive, to heal, to let go, and to take a step forward. My impatience and lack of grace for people who hurt me is just as damaging to me as the injustice done, and I need just as much grace and patients from God as they do.

My only desire here, I suppose, is to get anyone reading this to look at your own lives and your own situations and relationships and spend some time asking God where choosing the rain-cloud has robbed you of your joy and your ability to follow him. Ask for wisdom in dealing with your relationships, and really just strive to see clearly God's intention for your life. I wish you all many blessings and much healing.